When Self-Worth Shapes Our Relationships: Resource Therapy and Rejection States
- Claudia Wolf
- Dec 5, 2025
- 3 min read
At the heart of our safety as humans is connection to others. From birth we cry out for connection (literally), and from infancy we do all we can to preserve our attachments.
Many people come to therapy saying:
“I only feel good when I please others.”
“I panic if I disappoint someone.”
“If people really knew me, they wouldn’t like me.”
“I just feel unlovable”.
From a Resource Therapy (advanced parts work) perspective, these are the voices of parts (or States) ‘Vaded’ in Rejection. These parts of us carry the belief, often formed in childhood, that we are unlovable or “not good enough”. These Vaded states were invaded or overwhelmed by experiences from the past where we perceived rejection from others.
How this shows up in relationships:
Over-pleasing or perfectionism.
Fear of intimacy or commitment.
Compulsive behaviours (shopping, eating) to feel ‘good enough’ or manage feelings of rejection.
Not speaking up when something is bothering us, or avoiding conflict
Overly critical self-judgement
How we work with Rejection in Resource Therapy
We seek to find the initial sensitising event, or the earliest experiences in life where the client felt rejected by an attachment figure or important person
We work out what the Part most needs in that moment and provide therapeutic experiences of this.
The rejected part may speak as the inner image of the rejecting figure, realising on a somatic level that the rejection was about that person’s limitations- not their own worth. We call this a Sensory Experience Memory.
Resourcing: Stronger, nurturing States are invited to support the rejected part.
Restoration: Once the pain of the initial event is relieved, rejected States can regain their original healthy role, and no longer bring the deep pain of rejection to the present life events or relationships
Benefits of Resource Therapy
For clients: Low self-worth doesn’t define you. It’s held by parts of you that can be supported and restored.
For therapists: RT offers clear, respectful interventions that go beyond affirmations or cognitive reframes.
RT has helped me empower clients to heal the wounds left by emotional mis-attunement or attachment ruptures. So often people come to therapy thinking their trauma is ‘not enough’ or ‘not as bad as other people’s’.
So often in my work I realise- it isn’t just about the events that happen to us in life. It can also be about what didn’t happen for us- the relational experiences that should have occurred and didn’t.
Would you try parts work to offer relief to your rejected or un-worthy feeling parts?
Wolf Therapeutic Community Experiences
Relational Integrative Intensive EMDR Program
If you’d like to experience a Resource Therapy focussed EMDR program from the client’s seat- I offer a retreat-inspired 2 day, 3 day, or 6 day RI-EMDR Intensive Immersions.
Advanced Parts Work Training
If you're a therapist looking to build a solid, parts-informed foundation for your therapy practice, you are also warmly invited to join one of my upcoming Resource Therapy training events and follow on Consultation groups.
February 3rd and 4th 2026 Foundation– a nourishing, homestead style 2 Day training on the Surf Coast
April 2026- online 2 Day Resource Therapy training.
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